GLASTONBURY

IN

84 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!


TICKETS ON 1st APRIL

And I WILL get my shit together and I am going to glastonbury this year!


Oh yes.

My sister is a bad influence! I was really tired last night and wanted to go to bed early. At about 10pm she wanted to watch a film, we watched SWAT, which is a pretty crap film but ok if all you want is enjoyable nonsense. Then when that finished we decided to watch buffy. Didn't get to bed till about 2:30. I had to be up fairly early today, because I'm going to Brighton with N. I'm well looking forward to it! And I'm going to meet N's girlfriend! :D

Right I'm off for a shower and breakfast.

What the fuck am I doing up at this time on a weekend?

Urrrghhh.

:D

I just posted this on a forum, thought I'd make it my blog for the day...


I spent three years caught up in an "unrequited love" situation when I was eighteen, the main problem was that we are genuinly very fond of one another. Oh, and she's gay.

She hadn't come out when we first met, which made it incredibly difficult for her. I didn't know for a long time, which made it confusing when there was genuine affection from her, to a point and no more. When she did tell me it made things a hell of a lot easier for our relationship, it's weird but knowing she's not going out with a bloke kinda takes the competition out of it. I still think about her a lot and often think about getting in contact.

We hadn't spoken for about 3 years until last monday when we met up at the pub after bumping into each other on msn. It was weird because it felt totally comfortable. She has a flat now, which she shares with her long-term girlfriend, who I'd like to meet.

I really want to be friends with her again. I just have to remember that there is never going to be anything else. Ever.

In the three years since we last met she has been on my mind a lot. It does get better with time, and I've found it a lot easier to think about her after some time has passed since I last saw her. The immediacy of it fades and I can think about the relationship we had with far less emotional baggage attached.

Plus, c'mon a fantasy/daydream is much more fun when you have someone you fancy in it.

Well that was a nice day off!

Was going to spend it monging and feeling guilty for not getting my hair cut but N came onto msn. We haven't seen each other for about 2 years, we have a lot of history though, not all of it good. It was very weird meeting her again, she's even better looking than when I last saw her. Shame I don't stand a chance! She's well setup with her girlfriend, got a nice flat, good job which she hates. I'm back living with my parents, no girlfriend, etc. Oh well.

Got my hair cut too! The barber seemed quite shocked at how much hair I'd managed to accumulate. Much better now, even though I look about 17 again, apart from the beard.

Just looking some of my old posts, I do bloody waffle a bit! Mind you if there is a space for waffling, then this is it. Kinda want to watch a film but not too sure if I can be bothered, or what I actually want to watch.

Eugh, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow.

Well. It still feels like a friday. I'm taking monday off again. This time though I booked it off as holiday. Went to G and T's on friday, spent a really nice couple of days drinking skunk vodka and playing on their puters. The vodka wasn't as effective as I hoped it might be but it worked. Subtly.

Went to PRoD on sat didn't enjoy that very much at all. It was way too hot, I spent a large proportion of the evening sitting next to the fire exit cos it was the coolest place. The heat was so bad it felt like I was going to pass out.

Went to OCB afterwards, that was very good! Not too hot, not too crowded. Wasn't enough d'n'b for my tastes but very good nevertheless. Also found a very good source for substances. S was avoiding me all evening, I'm not sure if I've done something to upset her, but I tried talking to her, if she's not interested I'm not going to pester her. If she wants to talk to me she knows how to get in touch.

Bollocks to it. I give up with women, I'm going to become a monk.

Just had a stoned thought.

In the last post I didn't capitalise the M in microsoft. Was going to go back and change it but why should company names be with capitals? People's names should have though. Dunno, this ideas fading now, it seemed to make so much sense 2 minutes ago. Think this post says more for the effects of weed than anything else.

Not going to write company names with capitals any more though.

:)

There are some links down there!

I will sort out the CSS on this page so it displays in Opera properly. Bloody microsoft.

It's been a few days since I last blogged.

Last weekend I went to see some friends. Phoned M for a chat, the decision was made to go over there within about 30 seconds! I needed that chillout time though. M and A are "comfy old pants" friends, I've known them for about 3 years, but it seems longer. In a nice way! Spent Sat getting stoned and putting the world to rights. Sunday was spent wrapped up in a duvet with C, my 3y/o godson, watching Lilo and Stich. Very good film, even though it's a Disney. Best way to spend a Sunday morning in my opinion. Oh yeah, and cuddling a 10 month old baby! Now that's a chilled Sunday!

I'm so fucking priviledged to have such good friends, and when they have such wonderful kids going over there is always a pleasure. Kinda like a second family. I actually made it into work on Monday! Yea Ha! They seemed quite happy to see me. I even received a compliment from someone, just walked up to me a told me that I was a really hard worker. I said thanks, what do you say to something like that though. Especially when it's just straight out of the blue like that.


I promised myself a shower the moment I got home, I'll go for one in a minute.

MUST DO M's CD's!!!! Been promising for ages and he really needs them, if I put it here I might actually do it.

BBC NEWS | England | Nottinghamshire | Widow begins credit card campaign

That is one of the saddest stories this year.

He should maybe have gone to CCCS

Strange day.

Didn't go into work on Monday. Said that there was a disaster and I got stuck in London. When I got in today I was confronted by the production manager who gave me a bollocking, saying that if I take any more time off they are going to sack me. Which is fair enough I suppose I have spent the last three mondays not at work.

Whats even stranger was that when I got home I got a phone call from Ruth at FR to say that she had got me a 25p payrise! There wasn't even any argument about it. She just asked and they said, "yep, he's worth it".

Wow. a whole 25p. Mind you that does mean an extra £50 per month.

Yay!

Well, what a weekend, it's not even over yet. I'm in Brixton at the moment, at a mates house.

I was supposed to be having friends over on Sat night, but they couldn't come, so I went with my backup plan.

It was nice when the backup plan had as many merits as the original! I trekked up to London on sat night, went to a mates, then on to a squat party. Which, due to one missed bus-stop meant a walk across three miles of run-down London scenery. The squat itself was excellent though. Didn't get back here till quite late on Sunday, after the round of post party visiting, spent most of Sunday in a k-hole. Which was nice.

Now sitting here at twenty to ten looking out the window at the brixtonions walking by. Obviously I've called in sick at work again. I've really got to stop doing that.

Looking out the window at the traffic and knowing the general standard of driving in London, I'm mightily impressed that there aren't more crashes. The cab-driver that took us back from the party yesterday morning was NOT a good driver. Or maybe he was just overtired, at every traffic light his eyes would be closing within seconds of the car stopping. On more than one occasion he didn't even realise that the lights had changed. Plus he was another erratic driver. They always make me nervous.


All in all though a very good weekend.

BBC NEWS | Technology | E-mail users caught in virus feud

I don't know why, but this struck me as extremely funny.

"This worm also attempts to remove any versions of Bagle it finds on a PC."

Especially that bit. Wicked! Viruses wiping each other out!

:D

I'm sitting here, spliff in gob, Pink Floyd playing trying to think of a way to describe my day.

Work was torturously boring and very uncomfortable. Standing outside in wet feet all day is not the way to get any sort of pleasure from work. I hate working, I want to get back into a job that I can look forward to going into every day, luckily I know what career I want but I need to get sorted financially and mentally first.

Felt very close to my sister tonight, I don't expecially know why, probably because we are so much the same and she's going through something very similar to an experience I have had. Not fun, and I can see trouble ahead. Life innit?

Went out with the dog and managed to achieve very near to perfect stillness, standing in the middle of the local park, it was densly foggy. Even though the road is right next to the park you can hardly hear the traffic. Standing in the direct center of the football pitch I can see a circle about twenty metres away. It's the limit to my sight. Beyond that are just vague shapes. The Millennium Temple is just a shape in the mist. I close my eyes, I can hear the dog doing dog things to my left. A car goes by, it takes hours. One of the unseen houses is watching something on TV. A plane flys overhead, what do they see?

Well. Yesterday I did nothing. Spent hours playing Settlers and Black and White instead. Actually, I did do 3 so thats alright.

Spent some time today playing with the blog. Kinda think that I messed it up. I'll sort it later. Went to work today. Was sunny so wasn't too bad. Still wished I'd been in bed all day. I should be getting a motorbike soon, that'll give me soo much more range. When you live out in the sticks, you need transport, and since there is no way in hell I'm getting a car (hate them) a bike it'll have to be. Kinda like a step up. I cycle everywhere at the moment, bet I'm going to get even lazier!

Oh well, it'll mean I can go and see friends more often and that has to be a good thing!

Right, I'm going to use this blog to pester myself into doing things. I'm going to start with the CBT. I'm going to get this sorted this weekend. I will have passed it and be in a position to get a bike and ride off into the wild yonder by the end of the month.

I mean it.

(was going to say "yeah right" but that sort of negative attitude isn't going to help. Finally starting to feel positive about things again and I want that feeling to continue.)

I'm really annoyed. I just re-installed windows. It took about 15 minutes to turn off all the standard crap (cos I've done it so many times) I thought it looked too bland. I downloaded DesktopX. After playing with some of the skins I finally settled on the most useful. Only the bloody Windows Longhorn skin. grrr. Although I really hate the microsoft look I have to admit it's bloody useful. I might post a pic, if I ever find some hosting space. (or get my arse in gear and pay for PBase account.)

I'm off to forage in the kitchen.

Well I'm skiving off again. Not done a huge amount. I've been incredibly lazy the last few days. Would like to do something productive.

I need to...

1/ Sort out mess of wiring behind desk.
2/ Tidy up the bloody desk.
3/ Have another spliff.
4/ Phone debt people.
5/ Trek into town to do some shopping, with money I don't have.
6/ Fuck it, I'm going back to bed.

Well that's annoying. The damn thing won't delete the double post.

Oh well, must have been worth saying.

I've just about decided not to go into work tomorrow either, very bad. But hey life isn't about work. I'm going to sit in my room and do nothing productive at all. Except pretend I'm dying of the black death.

Oh yeah, forgot to put earlier, I'm single, very single. But kinda liking it. At least that's what I tell myself. I nearly got it on with someone last w/end. But didn't, I'm quite glad now, it would have only complicated my life even further. I really don't need any stress right now.

Bugger it, I'm going to phone in sick now.

Maybe I'll be productive on my day off.








Maybe not.

:D

Right I felt like writing again...

I've just taken the dog out. For four hours! What was supposed to be a quick walk round the park ended up as a massive trek round the woods. I'm knackered! Must learn not to follow the bloody dog next time. Did find a lovely stream though and sat in my favourite field and had a spliff.

Tried to phone the council to pay back some of the council tax I owe, but their computers are down. Grrrr. I can email them but can't be bothered. Gonna watch Firefly instead and drool over the delectable Jewel Staite.

It's nice to have no real plans for a day. To know that you should be at work, but instead are warm, cosy and doing something you want to do. Feels like you're cheating the system.

Well this is a blog.

Dunno why the hell I've done this nor what I'm going to say, just have to see what comes out! (Bet virtually every blog starts this way)

Umm, I suppose I'd better introduce myself. But not by name! ;)

I'm 25 and currently living with my parents! Had a lovely flat but couldn't afford it. Such is life. Now living very cheaply and trying to get debts under control. I work for a temp agency, doing anything available. Working at a brickworks at the moment, very hard work. Which is why I'm skiving off today. The thought of standing outside in the cold and wet for ten hours just didn't appeal. I'm a little bit stoned, very comfortable in my nice warm room, DJ Shadow playing and a tiny bit of k for a wobble later!