Shocking!

http://www.w4rc0rpz.net/dLiCi0US.php

Wow. Where do I start?

I've not made an entry for a very long time, found the link by chance. I'm living in London now. On a mates floor, I've spent the last 6 weeks here, most of that spent not having a job and slowly running out of money. Rather happy today, that all changed. :)

I decided to move out on Tuesday the 4th of January, standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus that only comes once an hour, to the crappy underpaid job after having a fantastic, comfortable, immensely enjoyable new years eve in Brixton. I decided I warned a social life. Probably in the same level of crappy underpaid job, almost certainly with no more money, but when nearly all your friends live in London what are you going to do?

That evening after work I told a mate my plans, within half an hour I was moving. It took about an hour to decide to move up next weekend. Handed in my notice, packed my bags and moved out the next Saturday. A week later I had my computer here, and had decided that whatever may come I'm in London for the foreseeable future.

It's certainly been an interesting experience so far. Small village life is quiet, slow, small-scale, and very peaceful. Going from that to the busiest city in the uk is more than an adjustment, it's a sea-change. I used to know everyone in the village by sight or reputation at least. Things are slightly different in a population of 6 million. I live, for the moment, in hackney and brixton some of the time which are a both very different places to live. There's a lot to take in in London, bendy-buses, hundred's of different languages, millions of people, most of them going the other way, having street-sense, eating on the move, noise, pollution, in your face advertising, unfathomable cultures, the geography, speed of life and best of all having friends close by.

I'm working at the moment in a clothes warehouse, I take clothes out of boxes, count them and put them on the shelves, then, for more excitement I put them back in boxes again! It's great! In fact it's just like most of the jobs I was doing for the year and a half before I moved up here. I have been offered introductions to runners jobs in Soho which I need to follow up today. It's very strange, I have spent the most of the last six weeks trying to get work, then all of a sudden I have so much work related stuff to do I have trouble fitting it all in!

The most amazing thing that has happened in the last few weeks is that, totally unexpectedly I've ended up in a relationship. I'm having real trouble adjusting at the moment because I didn't expect it at all, even though everyone else has seen it coming for months. We've been friends for about two and a half years. Solid friends, first person in a crises, first person I'd think of to do anything with, that sort of friend, with hindsight, it was bloody obvious really, but we so didn't see it at the time. It's wonderful though, she's wonderful, I can't believe I'm so bloody lucky, the hardest bit at the moment is convincing myself that I deserve this. That and the fact that I'm discovering everything about someone I've known for so long already all over again. We seem to have got though a VERY intense week so far, and I have every confidence that we will, together, get though a whole lot more. This doesn't feel like entering into a relationship, this feels like an evolution into the next stage(?). Another evolution, one of many we've had, and probably more to come.

Man it is very hard to put whats going through my head into words. I've not thought about anything else in the last month, and yet I still can't get a handle on how I feel, maybe it's all still too new, maybe there's too much change, maybe I'm just an incoherent babbling fool, but entering into a new relationship is always a scary prospect, when you've already known each other for two and a half years and are already extremely good friends, so good that everyone else already thinks your an item it changes everything. We already have the closeness, we know how to talk to each other, and most important of all we are already comfortable together. Perfect.

So whats wrong? Nothing. Just the same old usual shit thats always going on, paranoia, self doubt, over analysis of everything, convincing myself that I don't deserve it, the usual. Whats different is that I have someone to talk to about it, someone what does understand, better than anyone, but most importantly, someone that will listen, and tell me honestly what she thinks. I'm so lucky for that. Whats very weird though, is the changes I've noticed in myself, I'm thinking differently, viewing the world differently, probably hormones or somming, but it's something else to adjust to.

Can't really think of anything else to add, I'm for once feeling very positive about something, I think thats because I know that it's going to be ok. I know that she's worth all the effort I can give, and my god, this just feels right.

There'll be more! :)

TTR:

melting
smell

A picture I did for a graphics competition. The theme was Introspection.

And a black sheep. Well it was black, ish. But a brown sheep doesn't have the same ring to it.  

Cows, slighty spooky, but not as spooky as horses, they're up to something.  

I haven't made any entries for ages. Mostly cos not much of any interest has happened, at least not the sort of shit that I normally put in the blog. I like the photo blogging thingy, well easy and means I can show off my camera skills!

Umm, I'm still single, out of work at the moment, and giving up smoking (maybe). I have a sore throat and hence are not craving nicotine, so I decided to make the most of it and see how long I could go without for. The last fag I had was two days ago (ish) and I haven't really wanted one since then. Weirdly I've not done this in the normal way, of being determined, setting a date, getting support from other people etc. I decided on the spur of the moment yesterday and only have told SI and whib so far. I don't need or want people telling me well done or good for you, or especially asking how long it's been etc. If I do it it's cos I want to and I'll provide my own support better than anyone else can. Strength of will. (pah)

TTR:
2 days so far.

Nice clouds. 

Sunflowers! A random field of sunflowers.  

The PrImark squad! Slightly scarier is that that was about half the people with bags, there must have been about 100 in total!  

A picture of my favourite tree to test the photo blogging thingy. This tree is down a lane near me. It's been like this for at least two years, growing fine it seems. No idea how it came to be like this, perhaps lightening.